In the Run-Up

The Slangwhanger-in-Chief’s multifarious acquaintance extends to several friends who work for multi-trillion-dollar corporations scattered both hither and yon. Two of them whiled away a November afternoon exchanging messages between bouts of feigning work. Suitably disguised beneath cryptonyms below, their thoughts are presented for the delectation of the blogging public.

Prairie Baldy: Will we suddenly have an onslaught of work sometime before Nov 16th? I'd hate to think they're saving up a bunch of work for us to do all at once.

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9-Fingers: hmpf. "saving up" implies a certain amount of foresight. these people would drive off a cliff before they would notice a stop sign. so, yes, we should expect an onslaught, deluge, waterwall, tidal wave, avalanche, flood, hurricane, landslide, surge, outpouring, overwhelm, rush, stack, pile, mess o' work. (boast: no thesaurus employed other than me own wetware.)

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Prairie Baldy: That, or they have work for us to do but are too tied up w/other things to notice or care until those deadlines start to loom. Either way, it's bad management.

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9-Fingers: it's management like this that got the french empire where it is today.

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Prairie Baldy: Well, they have good food. Allegedly.

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9-Fingers: i like your theory that food is the only imperial remnant worth discussing. just think of our culinary legacy. fruit pies, turkey and burgers.

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Prairie Baldy: I'm bored so I'm trying to think what else we leave behind. I'd say cars, but maybe they'll be obsolete/impossible in the future if the oil situation continues to go south. Malls, pre-packaged food, and BayWatch. Maybe barbecue could be added to that, but that stuff is hardly sophisticated food-wise.

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9-Fingers: bbq is a provencal daube without the clay pot, really. so it's pretty good stuff. i mean, no real food is too sophisticated except for processed stuff and sophistication, in the 18th century meaning, is exactly what's wrong with it. the assembly line, yes.

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Prairie Baldy: Right, so we have our brand of barbecue, but we got the idea from somewhere else; I think I knew that but forgot.

I must be very 'sophisticated' then. Oh yeah, and corn. I think we exported that to Europe. They didn't have corn before we came here. And chocolate too. Thank the dead Aztecs for that one.

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9-Fingers: and the incas for potatoes.

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Prairie Baldy: Oh yeah. What would Europe have done w/out us?

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9-Fingers: imploded.

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Prairie Baldy: And we were always bailing their a$$es out of wars in the last century. Tell a Brit that. They love hearing that.

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9-Fingers: the economic truth is the brits sold off the empire to pay america for wwi and wwii production, which is how america bought its empire. try telling that to republican self-made men...

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Prairie Baldy: It was about friggin' time those nasty little Brits got out of the business of trying to rule the world. Not that we need to be in the biz either. No one should.

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9-Fingers: history will record that the years 1965-2008 were those in which america twice had the political opportunity to reject empire and return to responsible power without domination. the second chance starts tuesday and continues in 2008. if dems win now and in '08 we have a chance to redeem america from the pissing-away of its respectability in the world. not that we will inevitably succeed, but we will have a chance. conversely, if the rethugs stay in power, no way. we will then just have to make our reservations out there in the imperial graveyard, "one with nineveh and tyre..."

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Prairie Baldy: It's infuriating how pig-headed the Rethuglicans are. So much sense of Imperial entitlement. This election should be interesting. Assuming that that horse's ass John Kerry keeps his trap shut and doesn't give weak-minded, fence-sitting GOPers cause to stay w/their evil party. What he said is a non-issue to the faithful, but I have no faith in the average American to discern important issue from hyped story.

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9-Fingers: i'm hoping for divine intervention. as br'er kipling put it in 1897,

Lo, all our pomp of yesterday
Is one with Nineveh and Tyre!
Judge of the Nations, spare us yet,
Lest we forget—lest we forget!

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Prairie Baldy: Divine intervention can take many forms of course. Some more benign than others.

Here's some more Kipling for you:

When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
An' go to your Gawd like a soldier.

Go, go, go like a soldier,
Go, go, go like a soldier,
Go, go, go like a soldier,
So-oldier of the Queen!

Too bad Bush-boy and Co didn't know that verse (along w/everything else they don't know) before they invaded Afganistan and Iraq.

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9-Fingers: updated (not by me) version o' country joe mcdonald's "fixin to die rag":

Well come on George your time is past
Mobilize and build up fast
You gotta get out and get Saddam
He’s an imminent threat like the rest of Islam
You know your dad’s deed was never done
So nuke em into kingdom come

Chorus:
And it’s one-two-three what are we fightin’ for
Don’t ask me just go with Uncle Sam
We’re out to get Saddam
It’s five-six-seven get your oil rebate
There ain’t no time to prove a crime
Yippee, they’re all gonna die

So send in the UN to run the Blitz
The harder they look the tougher it gets
That’s OK cause it’s just a big production
Don’t really care about weapons of destruction
There’s something hidin’ deep beneath the desert soil
But it’s really just an awful lot of oil

Chorus

Motor cars, trucks, jeeps, and SUVs
Motor homes, boats, hogs and RVs
Can’t keep em runnin without the motor fuel
Gotta find more oil now I ain’t a honky fool
Iraq has the oil and Saddam got the keys
He’s an evil man, believe George please

Chorus

Well smallpox anthrax and ricin too
A-bombs and nerve gas so what’s the big hadoo
Hiroshima and Nagasaki made some sense back then
Nuking the civilians instead of just the men
Regarding mass destruction there is only one to trust
Yes sir by golly that’s US

Chorus

I know the Texas oil boys won’t ever sell you wrong
They've built a pretty good case against old Saddam
It’s not so hard to rally just another vote or two
A couple one liners and a news flash should do
It doesn’t really matter what the public has to say
It’s a done deal anyway

Chorus

Well plundering the oil just ain’t an easy job
It takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears by God
The military’s got to be highly dependable
Put the kids in uniforms they’re easily expendable
Say goodbye to sister, brother, uncle, mom and dad
Then ship em to the streets of Baghdad

Chorus

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Prairie Baldy: Yes, it was a done deal. What an evil, evil man. I suspect Dubya might have some surprises in the next life.

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9-Fingers: that boy’s in for it bad when he finds out ignorance is no defence. he’s been relying on ignorance all his life to get him out of trouble. think i heard somewhere that those who live by the dead brain cell shall die by the dead brain cell.

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Prairie Baldy: The religious right (in any country) will be the death of us all yet.

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9-Fingers: god’s going to forgive the righteously deluded ignorant over the cynically manipulative ignorant every day for a million millennii...

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Prairie Baldy: Bush seems both ignorant and cynical at the same time. Not sure how he manages it. He has his mother's sunny disposition, apparently.

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9-Fingers: right. He’s cynically-manipulative-ignorant and he’s going to fry long and strong. his mama’s a black-mood alcoholic like him. his daddy’s just a clubland quiet alcoholic. daddy’s petulant, mama’s revengeful. there’s no sun shinin' up any o' those three fundaments anywhere.

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Prairie Baldy: Al Franken supposedly had an interesting run-in w/Ma Bush on an airplane once. He tried to talk to her, very civilly, ask her some questions, etc., and she eventually interrupted him and said "I'm through with you now." Very odd.

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9-Fingers: she’s a society gel. she doesn't have any truck with any servants -- like journalists -- that aren't on the family visiting list or payroll...