Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Season's Cursings

Courtesy the Chapter Clerk of the Dean and Chapter of Rochester, as translated by Rev. Lawrence Sterne, Prebendary of York Cathedral (1761), here is An Excommunicatory Curse by Bishop Ernulphus of Rochester (floreat 1115-1125), newly and specifically applied to the Preznit of the United States, George W. Bush, whose Ecclesiastical Humours may Predispose him to the Punishments of Everlasting Damnation faster than many another man, though his name is Mentioned sufficiently often to Satisfy the most Finicky of public relations Spinners... (Latin version upon request...)

'By the authority of God Almighty, the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, and of the undefiled Virgin Mary, mother and patroness of our Saviour, and of all the celestial virtues, angels, archangels, thrones, dominions, powers, cherubins and seraphins, and of all the holy patriarchs, prophets, and of all the apostles and evangelists, and of the holy innocents, who in the sight of the Holy Lamb, are found worthy to sing the new song of the holy martyrs and holy confessors, and of the holy virgins, and of all the saints together, with the holy and elect of God,--

‘May George W. Bush be damn'd—

'We excommunicate, and anathematize George W. Bush, and from the thresholds of the holy church of God Almighty we sequester George W. Bush, that George W. Bush may be tormented, disposed, and delivered over with Dathan and Abiram, and with those who say unto the Lord God, Depart from us, we desire none of thy ways. And as fire is quenched with water, so let the light of George W. Bush be put out for evermore, unless it shall repent him and make satisfaction. Amen.

'May the Father who created man, curse George W. Bush.--May the Son who suffered for us curse George W. Bush.--May the Holy Ghost, who was given to us in baptism, curse George W. Bush. May the holy cross which Christ, for our salvation triumphing over His enemies, ascended, curse George W. Bush.

'May the holy and eternal Virgin Mary, mother of God, curse George W. Bush.--May St. Michael, the advocate of holy souls, curse George W. Bush.--May all the angels and archangels, principalities and powers, and all the heavenly armies, curse George W. Bush.

'May St. John, the Praecursor, and St. John the Baptist, and St. Peter and St. Paul, and St. Andrew, and all other Christ's apostles, together curse George W. Bush. And may the rest of His disciples and four evangelists, who by their preaching converted the universal world, and may the holy and wonderful company of martyrs and confessors who by their holy works are found pleasing to God Almighty, curse George W. Bush.

'May the holy choir of the holy virgins, who for the honour of Christ have despised the things of the world, damn George W. Bush--May all the saints, who from the beginning of the world to everlasting ages are found to be beloved of God, damn George W. Bush--May the heavens and earth, and all the holy things remaining therein, damn George W. Bush.

'May George W. Bush be damn'd wherever he be--whether in the house or the stables, the garden or the field, or the highway, or in the path, or in the wood, or in the water, or in the church.—May George W. Bush be cursed in living, in dying. May George W. Bush be cursed in eating and drinking, in being hungry, in being thirsty, in fasting, in sleeping, in slumbering, in walking, in standing, in sitting, in lying, in working, in resting, in pissing, in shitting, and in blood-letting!

'May George W. Bush be cursed in all the faculties of his body!

'May George W. Bush be cursed inwardly and outwardly!—May George W. Bush be cursed in the hair of his head!—May George W. Bush be cursed in George W. Bush’s brains, and in George W. Bush’s vertex, in George W. Bush’s temples, in George W. Bush’s forehead, in George W. Bush’s ears, in George W. Bush’s eye-brows, in George W. Bush’s cheeks, in George W. Bush’s jaw-bones, in George W. Bush’s nostrils, in George W. Bush’s fore-teeth and grinders, in George W. Bush’s lips, in George W. Bush’s throat, in George W. Bush’s shoulders, in George W. Bush’s wrists, in George W. Bush’s arms, in George W. Bush’s hands, in George W. Bush’s fingers!

'May George W. Bush be damn'd in George W. Bush’s mouth, in George W. Bush’s breast, in George W. Bush’s heart and purtenance, down to the very stomach!

'May George W. Bush be cursed in George W. Bush’s reins, and in George W. Bush’s groin, in George W. Bush’s thighs, in George W. Bush’s genitals, and in George W. Bush’s hips, and in George W. Bush’s knees, George W. Bush’s legs, and feet, and toe-nails!

'May George W. Bush be cursed in all the joints and articulations of the members, from the top of George W. Bush’s head to the sole of George W. Bush’s foot! May there be no soundness in George W. Bush!

'May the Son of the living God, with all the glory of His Majesty – curse George W. Bush! -- and may heaven, with all the powers which move therein, rise up against George W. Bush, curse and damn George W. Bush unless George W. Bush repent and make satisfaction! Amen. So be it,--so be it. Amen.'
For those purists who may consider this effort insufficient, and there will doubtless be many of you, here's another curse, this one from the Archbishop of Glasgow in 1525, that can be adapted to current circumstances by the curious, the outraged, the thorough among us.

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