Sunday, July 02, 2006

World Cup 2006

Sometimes a bloggist has to work two months of sixty-hour weeks. And sometimes for relief a bloggist just has to go watch/listen to/read about the World Cup.

Semifinal Match Preview for Over-Fifties
Teams: Hitler v. Mussolini
Coaches: Dolf v. Nito
Nicknames: SS v. OVRA
Favorite: Hitler

The Axis Breakdown
Longtime allies Dolf & Nito go at it in a symbol-rife match for the right to contest Eurosupremacy. Dolf’s lads’ attacking style leaves his defense knackered and liable to crack. Nito’s boys’ fluid defensive flair is hampered by their lack of match fitness and a habit of playing while their hands are in the air. Winner will be overwhelmingly favored against next opponent.

Teams: Salazar v. Petain
Coaches: Toni v. Henri
Nicknames: PVDE v. LFC
Favorite: Petain

Wannabes’ Undercard
Minor-league imitators Toni & Henri hope to push their squads back to former glory (anyone remember the 13th or 17th centuries?) Tendencies of chaotic Gauls and sclerotic Iberians prevent the best quality play here. Sloppily mediocre elements contaminate the styles of each team, but derivative play will not prevent one of them from contending for mastery of all the concentration camps.

Futbol Feuhrer Sepp Dietrich Blather, speaking from his HQ in Malmedy, praised the last four squads for maintaining traditional European values of brutality, inequality, thuggery, timidity, gross deception, rigid order, lack of imagination and repeated betrayal of the weak. "Ve haff liqvidated zer schweinhunds off zer NKVD, Peronist, Falangist und Ashanti pretensions," Blather remarked with great satisfaction, "und of course ze Perfidious Albion, ze FBI/OSS und ein whole schmear off ozzer negligible peoples."


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